3 Ways to Cope With Being Ghosted in a Serious Relationship

When a relationship suddenly vanishes in thin air, it can be crushingly hurtful, and you must be strong enough to deal with it. This article discusses ways to cope and return to life after being ghosted abruptly.

Ghosting Is Painful

I have only been ghosted once. We dated for two months, and all seemed to be going well, but then she disappeared. The technical term for this Houdini act is ghosting.

But then she resurfaced a few weeks later! However, she resurfaced by mistake. You see, she accidentally bumped into me at a mutual friends’ s party. There was an awkward moment, and she immediately pretended ignorance and rushed off, and I never heard from her again.

Before I go further, let me download my emotional turbulence first. Ghosting is a crappy etiquette at its worst. I hated every minute of the loss and the feelings that followed. There is no concrete excuse for it except pure, unadulterated nastiness with a touch of cruelty. It is immature. It is childish, and it is disrespectful.

Someone you like suddenly seems to stop liking you, and you cannot figure out why. You start questioning the very relationship; was it all a lie to begin with?

Ghosting Is Common Today

That said, ghosting, or suddenly vanishing from someone’s life without a call, email, or text, is common today. According to two independent 2018 relationship studies, around 25 percent of people admit to having been ghosted at some point. The rise of popular dating apps like Grindr, Tinder, and Bumble has seemingly made it easier to make and break quick connections at the swipe of a finger.

And when it comes to breakups, “being ghosted” is one of the hardest things to understand and cope with. Almost like a death, the sudden disappearance of connection, without explanation, is as much a shock as it is excruciating.

Two research studies from 2010 and 2011 also suggest that ghosting can cause physical pain, lower your self-esteem, and adversely impact your current and future relationships, both romantic and otherwise.

And in an age where online relationships are common, being ghosted by someone with whom you have been in touch through social media can make you feel alienated and out of place, even in the digital world.

Here are some ways to cope and overcome being ghosted in a relationship.

1. Realize It Is Not Because You Were Insignificant
2. Don’t Reach Out
3. Aim to Make Sense of What Happened

1. Realize It Is Not Because You Were Insignificant

The 1^st topmost priority for you is to build back your self-esteem.

The biggest blow to your self-esteem happens when you start thinking you are so unworthy that she did not even consider sending you a breakup text or calling you. This negative thought is your deepest fear and demeaning you. You need to get over it.

Feelings are not facts. Just because you feel like this does not mean it is. If you adopt the idea that you got ghosted because you were meaningless and easily forgettable, you are only dooming yourself to more misery.

Instead, change the perspective. Thank the ghost. The ghost just did you a favor. Hooray! The trash just took itself out.

They got out of the way, and now you can build a healthy relationship with someone else, someone who can truly love you. Being ghosted is an opportunity, although it rarely, if ever, feels like one. We can choose to allow it to disempower us, or we can take advantage of the opportunity it presents to us and improve our lives.

Remember, it will take time for the pain to get out of your system. A few weeks or maybe even a year is perfectly OK. Just keep moving on.

2. Don’t Reach Out

You have been ghosted, and they have left you high and dry. Please do not allow them to take your dignity also.

You sent a well-thought-out text that you wrote and rewrote a hundred times. You hit all the right notes. You make sure you sound mature, composed, calm, and confident. You explain that you want an explanation for old times’ sake. But you get no response-just, radio silence. You want to close the episode, but they will not close it.

Refrain from hunting for answers. You will have to make your own closure.

As a dating coach, Laurel House tells us.

“It is easy to fall into a spiral of second-guessing and wondering where you went wrong, but “the truth is that you have no idea what is going on in their head. You do not know if it is a ‘them’ issue or a ‘you’ issue” — and there could be a million different things going on in their life, all unrelated to you, that caused them to disappear.”

Remember, if you think it might be helpful to clamor for attention to get an apology or some logical reasoning behind the Houdini act, you are inviting more misery for yourself.

Trust me, it will not happen, and even if it happens, it will not be satisfactory. The answers you get for why you were ghosted or dumped will be more depressive than the ghosting itself. Why incur more pain when you can avoid it?

Remember, they are ghosts, and you cannot educate a ghost. These people are not in your control. Sending them a wake-up call does not work.

3. Aim to Make Sense of What Happened

While it is not easy to know why your partner ended things in this manner, your job is to accept the new reality and ensure that such kinds of breakups do not happen to you again. It makes sense for you to revisit the past and understand the causes behind the ghosting.

Look for the faintest of clues you might not have noticed or ignored at the time. What led to the end? What was the argument about in your last conversation? Were there any problematic issues you pushed under the carpet and resurfaced again?

Look from both sides and play the devil’s advocate. Aim for clarity and deduce and arrive at the most reasonable explanation. This explanation will finally close this painful episode for you once and for all.

Remember, every relationship is a mishmash of mistakes, corrections, breakups, and reunions. As you gain more profound clarity about the problems in your relationship, you will understand the dynamics in a much better-enhanced way, which will help you forge better, stronger, and healthier relationships in the future.

A healthy relationship is all about keeping the doors and windows wide open. Relationships thrive in this environment. If the person is meant to be in your life, all the open doors and windows in the world will not make them leave. Trust the truth.

Thich Nhat Hanh has rightly said.

“Love in such a way that the person you love feels free.”

Sources and Further Reading

• Elliott, Susan. (2012). Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing Ever Happened to You. Brilliance Audio.
• Burford, Molly. (2021). The Modern Dating Workbook: An Interactive Approach to Finding Your True Love (While Staying True to Yourself). Adams Media.
• Thomasian, Rachel. (2020). Breakup & Breakout: Helping you gracefully navigate your breakup to live your best life. Independently published.
• Bryans, Bruce. (2022). Keep Calm and Cut Him Off: 13 Reasons to “Go Silent” on Guys Who Reject or Break Up with You. Bruce Bryans.
• Duncan, Winsome. (2019). He Loves Me Not.: What To Do When Online Dating Hurts Peaches Publications.

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

© 2023 Ravi Rajan